i remember nothing about the setting. i was with my mom and dad. they told me that both my sisters, both my brothers-in-law, and both my nephews were dead due to a boating accident which occured during a move from Hawaii to the mainland. the boat was Chris's, and i couldn't understand why Chris and the others had chosen to try to cross the ocean in it. they seemed to have taken this course of action due to circumstances which precluded all others. i was shocked beyond words; so shocked i didn't even feel grief. the whole thing felt surreal; i couldn't believe it. i found myself grasping for details, as if an increased understanding of those might help me understand the whole.
i was in a mall after hours with a blonde ex-girfriend that might have been my ex-wife but was more likely another girl from another train-wreck relationship. the lights in the mall were off, and we were sitting at a table in what appeared to be the food court. i was discussing the deaths of my family members with her. a part of me felt like even discussing this with her was wrong; as if talking about it was an attempt to garner sympathy, even though that wasn't my intent.
the location changed to a residence, of which i remember nothing except that it was dark. it had been a long time since our prior relationship; it was as if the temporal setting was the present. the ex-girlfriend figure was much heavier than she was in the past. we were having sex. i clearly remember being on my back, the ex-girlfriend on top. she had a rather large roll around her middle, which i grasped with both hands and commented on. i couldn't stop thinking about my sisters and noticing that even with a tragedy of this magnitude, i was comforted by the fact that my son was still alive.
i kept discussing the deaths of my sisters and their families endlessly with my parents, trying to make some sense of the whole thing.
note: this dream is about the closest i ever get to a nightmare. while i occasionally experience extremely negative or intense things in my dreams, my fear or stress is generally somewhat muted. i tend to back up and "replay" things i'm having trouble handling, sometimes changing the outcome by running a different scenario until i run into one that i can find a way to deal with- though the higher my stress level in the dream, the less likely i am to do this. when the subject matter is far enough outside of anything i'd normally imagine, i usually get carried along with the flow.
1979 480p a perfect circle accountability ADSR adventure age progression AIDS AIG alfred molina alternate geography alternate history america animation anxiety apology apprentice array instruments art crimes attention spans audioslave avatar bad weekend bailey's bailout beach beavis being broke benefits beverage big three bill the cat bitching black and white blogger blogging blue screen bob marriott book bored brinsley schwarz bus schedule butthead c.s. lewis cable coiler car crash car repair carolan's cartoon cate blanchett charles darwin charles van doren chloe moretz choir chores chowder chris cornell christians christina ricci christmas christopher mintz-plasse chrome cigarettes cinnahoney cinnamon class envy coding coffee comcast comedy commuting contact list cooking crime da vinci code dakota dan brown daylight savings time deconstruction display resolution dodge dog park domino dozer dream dreamworks drinking driving e.t.a. economy edmonds edmonds marina electricity elvis costello email england epic escape ethan everett chorale evolution fabricate facebook fantasy fiction film trailer first post fitness test flag flash flickr font ford fotomorph free hugs free market freedom freedom of speech freeware friends futility galapogos geology GFHS girl glitch GM good will google gratitude green screen hallmark version handwriting happiness harley harry potter harry thompson harry turtledove HD headache healthcare hershey hershey's syrup hip hop history of knowledge HMS beagle hollywood lights honey hosting HTML human rights IE immigration indispensable opposition intelligentsia internet explorer interview Ira Glass irish cream irish whiskey it got big jakob dylan jason jenny lewis job hunting journalists julia navarro junk kalimba kansas kick-ass kitty knights templar la fete nationale lacking motivation last airbender lego lineman live looseworld loren love m night shyamalan malacandra malaguena manifest destiny mark millar marriage martha stewart mbira mcafee megamind melissa memorial mickey microsoft monotony montreal music music video my life my music mystery natural philosophy naturalist new car new chair new computer new TV new zealand nick lowe nicolas cage NSFW obama old friends opening atlantis opinion opus organ out of the silent planet overheat peace performance pic post picasa polygons PUD puget sound quebec qwest field racey radiator random realD 3D realism recipe redletter media reggie watts reginald veljohnson repairs reunions ridley scott robert fitzroy robin hood robin williams robot rockstar russell crowe sarcasm science fiction sea voyage seahawks shroud of turin sick puppies siphon smoking sorceror's apprentice soundclick south america special effects speech spring starling stats suicide summer sundome syntax error syphon taking offense tesla test the atlantic the bus This American Life thriller tim hawkins tokyo plastic toni basil trade-marx train trouble turning 40 TV UAW understanding unemployed unions vacation video vimeo virus vundo W3schools walter lippman water pump wayward son web design weekend whiskey white house windows 7 windows live mail windows vista wordpress work writing xmas xmas spirit XP yakima yourfonts zoey deschanel