that cannot seem to summon the motivation to cover anything but the basics (and those only barely)?
seems like i've been exhausted for as long as i can remember.
everyone else seems to do OK, going about their business, taking care of what needs taking care of, eeking out a little fun with some regularity. i can't even put a meal on the table, unless Loren's around. funny (but not so surprising, really) how everything seems less pointless when he's here...not that i'm exactly bursting with enthusiasm then, either.
is everyone else less than impressed with their own company?
maybe i'm like a leech, and lacking any of my own i just feed off other people's energy. maybe it's just too damn quiet here. maybe i'm just here too much. watch TV? mostly it's uninteresting crap, and the droning blather of this or that idiot about who-effing-cares-what is like trying to drown out the stink of moldy bread by layering more and more peanut butter on it. listening to music is better, but only to a point. even that begins to feel a bit like forced distraction. talk on the phone? to whom, and about WHAT?! "i went to work today." "i came home." i have nothing to offer the conversation that's worth talking about. (hence the large gaps in posting here as well.) i don't have anything worth writing about either, but since no one's reading this that's at least semi-poetic.
i just don't seem to enjoy ANYTHING, have any drive to do ANYTHING.
that's really not like me. i've always been the amped one, the guy who brings something to the table. i don't think i'm depressed, at least i don't feel like...sad or anything. just tired, constantly. like everything's just a pain in the ass; like it's all just going through the motions.
but then, all this smacks a little of "i'm a spoiled little brat, pouting because he just found out there's no prize in the cereal box." well, no one said there was. shut up and eat your damn breakfast.
by the way, all the questions were rhetorical- i'll thank either of my readers in advance for kindly ignoring this post, and ask that they forego well-intentioned pity mail, please.
that's all i got. pathetic.
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