i've been feeling a little anxious lately...prob'ly has something to do with Loren being here for so long and then not being here, and then maybe or maybe not coming back tomorrow, as planned. i think it would be a little naive not to think stressors like these affect me; they do, i'm just a little dense like that...they're more of a low, dull ache than a sharp pain.
predictably, his mother is leaning on him to come back after the weekend. this seems contrary to his wishes, and if he wants to stay, he's going to. i'll be quite disappointed if he doesn't. her reasoning is (unsurprisingly) that she hasn't seen him in 9 weeks, to which i say, "tough, that doesn't even compare to 5 months." that's some irrefutable logic right there, and establishing the pattern of his spending alternate weeks at alternate houses now greatly increases the odds that it will stick. i'm sure she thinks if she subverts it now, she "wins". that's by no means a "win" for Loren. he's not blind to what she's doing, especially not this time, but it's obvious he feels the pressure. the trick for me is encouraging him to do what he's said he wants to do, and, admittedly, what i would be very pleased if he did, without putting the kind of pressure on him that his mother is. i mean, she hollered from across the room, "he's coming back on Sunday," and he said he wasn't, and she said he was, and he stuck to his guns through 5 rounds of that before walking away from the "you are" / "no, i'm not".
more of the same, really...typical selfishness on her part. really hoping this one goes my way. i'm sure it's the best thing for him, and i want to see him get what he wants- especially since it runs counter to what she wants. the woman's gotten her own way with no regard for what's good for anyone else for far too long, and i'm all for Loren showing some independent judgment and setting his own terms irrespective of his mom's manipulations.
Loren told me recently that she told him, in 7th grade, when he was seriously considering trying out an alternating week on/week off arrangement, that she wouldn't let that happen. he said she told him if he did that she'd refuse to let him spend his "mom" week at her house, only alternating weekends. WTF?! if that's not a threat of abandonment (and i can tell you for SURE he took it that way, from the way he told me about this) i don't know what is.
so i told him to call her bluff; she's not going to turn down time he'll spend with her (and time she can use to try to work her coercive magic to upset the apple cart). cutting off her nose to spite her own face is not in her bag of tricks. even if she did initially refuse his "mom" week, i'm absolutely sure she'd relent after a couple weeks of only seeing him on the weekends.
that's more than enough about that.
it was really interesting talking to him on the phone this (last!) evening. i haven't heard that tone of voice from him in months. he really becomes a different person in different environments, and the change isn't hard to see. i can't even really imagine what it would be like- what he would be like- if his parents weren't divorced. i'm sure he'd be different, i just can't imagine how so.
guess that's all i've got to say; more than i intended, really. well past time to crash for a few hours.
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